New Love

Have you ever had an experience that caused you to see your loved one in a new way? Was it unexpected? Or had you prayed for the change of perspective regarding that individual? Do you think it's possible?
Perhaps there is a life situation that you have hoped to feel differently about, so you've prayed about it. And you still feel resentful, wounded, suspicious, livid. A prayer for a different feeling goes up most urgently, when you realize that you are guilty of harboring bad feelings. Have you ever experienced a shift in perspective about that situation?
How about a work situation or an unpleasant aspect of your experience: not having enough money for your needs, or feeling hopeless that you might never advance in your job. Quite possibly there are people at work who talk your ears off about inconsequential things, or who catch you in the hall to tell you the latest salacious tidbit. Have you ever prayed about these aspects of your life, and have you had a change of heart?
That has happened to me on a number of occasions. It happened when I went out of state for an interview and found everything objectionable about the process. Then suddenly, both Sam and I had a change of heart and were gung-ho for the new job.
It happened about our move to my current job in Southern California. I had no intention of ever coming back here and yet, it has become a real joy and pleasure to teach here. Who would have thought it? And now, it's happened three more times.
I am now head over heels in love with our puppies. That is an about-face from my determination to get rid of them as quickly as possible. These little guys are loud, chew everything in sight, whine and scream if they are left behind the gate while I go for my morning walk. And yet when I return there is no jubilation like the joy they express at my reappearance. They dance about asking to be petted. So happy are they to be near me. In the morning, after they go out for that morning potty run, they fly back in the door and settle on my lap with their squeak toys. The squeaking is loud and prolonged, and they settle into me happily. Then at night when it is time for us to go to bed, we drag their sleepy bodies outside for one more potty break. As they stumble back inside, we pick them up and murmur into their little fuzzy necks, "Nite-nite, Babies" as we lay them down together in their little bed. So my mind and heart can change after all. I try to remember this when I look out the back door and find Charlie humping on Baxter's head, or when Baxter is digging up the bulbs in my garden.

The loss of Sam's job was another thing that I had no positive feelings about whatever. It was a very stressful job that made me worry that Sam would drop of a heart attack. It is not easy to be the face of an organization that people want to tell off every day of your job. But he loved being able to change people's minds and truly tried in every way possible to help them. Now he's been let go and someone else is being hired on--a veiled indication of the new boss' dislike of Sam, for whatever reason. It has been very difficult for Sam, as anyone might imagine. But now I feel relief that he is not having to put up with everyone's complaints day in and day out. I am glad that I have him home with me on this month that I have chosen to either ignore work, or work at home. We had a beautiful day together out and about: a drive to Santa Monica, lunch at Cantor's Jewish Deli on Fairfax, a walk through Old Pasadena and then a stroll through Victoria Gardens in Rancho Cucamonga. We got home tired but happy. The future is uncertain regarding a job for Sam, but I am not at all uncertain about God's loving care for us. I know that we will be okay one way or the other. Perhaps it was the unsolicited phone call from a medical school asking me to consider being their new director of a family medicine behavioral science department to the tune of twice my current salary. While I don't want to leave my current job, it was an indication that God can pull things out of thin air in order to provide for us. We just need to trust, and as Corrie ten Boom said, "Don't wrestle, just nestle" (into the arms of God.

This is the God who can change hearts and give us new love for our lives, remove our discontent, and cheer us over to His way of seeing things. On this night, I am very, very grateful and look forward with expectation to what He will have for my Sam and me as we face whatever comes.