Looks are Deceiving

Many abusers are quite charming on the outside. They may present themselves as earnestly desiring the best for another party. Yet they may be taking advantage of them, or trying to play the relationship in order to capitalize on an opportunity. They can be quite funny, polished, educated, sophisticated, and as dishonest and untrustworthy as the day is long. You can count on them to choose what is best for themselves regardless of how it leaves you in the end.

I once had a friendship with a man who kept me in stitches most of the time with his hilarious reparte. He had an accent that made women swoon and that evoked comraderie with even the most hardened man. I've been with him in ice cream bars when he has charmed the counter staff into giving us free ice cream, just because of his demeanor and earnestness. He has networked with more important people in his field than many people do over their lifetime--and he has a thriving clinical practice. Yet I don't trust him as far as I can see him. Why? Because I've watched him behave, seen how he darts into opportunities that advantage him alone, then heard his unkind commentary about the people he has just riffed.

Abusers can look earnest, spiritual, educated, sophisticated--and can be extremely personable. Laban was like this. He was wealthy and now we see in Genesis 31 that he had sons and many herds. We see that Laban changed Jacob's wages 10 times. I don't know what the time frame of those 10 changes was, but we already know that Laban didn't seem to have any consideration for his own daughter's wishes, let alone Jacob's wellbeing. One would think that a man would want to ensure the future prosperity of his grandchildren if it stood within his power to do so. Laban obviously was pretty well off--Jacob had added to his wealth considerably. But he was stingy and sneaky. Why else would he have changed Jacob's wages so often? I doubt it was because Jacob got a raise each of those 10 times, or else he wouldn't have complained about it.

Laban uses the right language to create a picture of being a dedicated God-fearing man. It reminds me of a man I know who appeared to be a very godly man. He was a chaplain who was well known for being a real communicator and warm person. Yet he hated being called to the emergency room when people died, hated to pray with people at the bedside, and didn't want to be known as a chaplain. He also had a pretty healthy sexual addiction. His off-campus office was right across the street from the local X-rated bookstore. And he was unethical in imposing his religious (non-religious) views on patients. His language and demeanor were right for the image, but his heart was far afield. Sadly, this often happens.