In my study of the Bible a few months ago, I came across that directly spoke to a situation I had been facing with an abused client: What does the Bible have to say about abusive people, and what should be done about being abused?
As I read the story of Jacob, his wives, and Laban, some interesting points became visible. This will be too long to complete in one entry, but here's the first part.
The story of Laban starts clear back in Genesis 24. Abraham knew that his final days were close at hand, so he deputized Eleazer to go back to his homeland and find a wife for his son, Isaac. Eleazer, being a pious man, asked God to show him what woman should be brought back for Isaac. The sign would be that when he stopped at a well to ask for a drink, the woman would also offer to draw water for his camels. He wanted a kind, generous, hospitable woman with a good heart.
This is exactly what happened. The Bible states, "Before he was finished [praying] Rebecca, the neice of Abraham, came out." She was beautiful and she wore some sort of indicator that she was unmarried. She gave water to Eleazer and graciously offered water to his camels. Her speech showed respect to Eleazer, by calling him "lord." It was the custom to offer lodging to strangers and travelers during that time, and she was quick to invite Eleazer, his companions and their camels to their home. Eleazer immediately gave her an earring and gold bracelets on her hands. This was a significant symbol of favor.
This is where we first see Laban. He was the brother of Rebecca. The Bible says that he ran to the well and asked Laban--Thou blessed by the Lord--why he was just standing there. He urged Eleazer to accept the hospitality of his family, even as he pronounced a blessing on him. After Eleazer entered their dwelling, Laban rushed to feed the camels, and offered water for Eleazer and his servants so they could wash their feet--refresh themselves before they ate. We see here a young man who by all appearances was a hospitable, generous, thoughtful and kind person.
Eleazer tells Bethuel, Rebecca's father, and Laban about his purpose in stopping there. It seems, from the biblical language, that Laban must have been an older brother, because he is given authority and is mentioned in conjunction with Bethuel. We also see later on that after he hears Eleazer's story, the two men admit that the coincidence that brought Eleazer to their home is God ordained. They could not argue or protest this. Then they gave Rebecca to him to take back to Isaac.
Right here, I rankle at the paternalistic practices of buying and selling women in those days, as though they were cattle. Eleazer gives Bethuel and his wife a dowry: jewels and "precious things." Thank God that this dowry system is no longer legal in this country. Apparently, women were such a liability in that society that they were accounted worthwhile only if they bore children or were beautiful enough to bring a large dowry. This horrid practice persists in some countries today.
The family asked that Rebecca stay with them for 10 days before she returned with Eleazer, but he was so eager to get back that he said no. To their credit, they did ask Rebecca if she was willing to go with him and she agreed to go. So Rebecca was sent off the next day with him, back to marry Isaac--sight unseen. Thankfully, she was sent with a nurse and with "damsels" --must have been women servants or companions of some sort. The next day they went off.
Bethuel and Laban blessed her as she left in a typical Bible times way. So this is where we find out that at one time Laban seems to be behaving as young men typically did in that paternalistic system. It's hard for me to tell the difference between unacceptable and acceptable behavior in the Bible, because so many of the male-female behaviors during that time make me recoil. However, the Bible doesn't indicate that he was "churlish" as Nabal, the husband of Abigail was. Nabal was clearly an abusive, irritable, and mean-spirited man. Laban was not characterized that way at that time.
Rebecca became the wife of Isaac and he loved her. She became the mother of Jacob and Essau. More about this in the next entry.
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