Looking for Love

Today is the day, some 30 years ago that Trisha, one of my dear friends got married. None of us knew that the marriage would end quite sadly, but it did. One divorce, and several years of healing later, she is finally interested in meeting someone. At this point, it would be great just to have someone to see a movie with or to have dinner with. She'd love to have someone come by and help her work in the yard--a good companion type of person. So this week Trisha joined an online matchmaker service. "If you can do it, Barbara, then so can I."
But Trisha panicked after she launched her profile with her picture. "There are so many wierdos out there. What if one of them is a pedophile or serial killer?" Of course, she is thinking of the most horrible outcomes possible.

I got several anxious phone calls from Trisha the day after she uploaded her material to the matchmaking site. "Would you please go into my profile and look at it to be sure I haven't said anything really stupid? Then, look and see who might be a good match for me. I can't tell."

It is always fun to look through these kinds of ads--if you're married. If not, it is most uncomfortable! I remember only too well, looking at the profiles of guys with another therapist friend who tends to be a bit suspicious, and who said of one guy, "Why would they even let someone like this on the website?" and "This guy looks like an ex-con." There were never any encouraging words from her. So thinking about this, I decided to try to be as upbeat as possible for Trisha. It might be harder than I thought, possibly due to the area where Trisha lives, and maybe because there are a lot of desperate dorks out there. Here are some of the remarks to introduce themselves or state their preferences that men wrote on their profiles:

Please - no heavy smokers, drinkers or heroin addicts, nut cases, recent parolees, broken hearts on the mend (this rides above all others - too much drama likely), women with a voice deeper then Johnny Cash's, cyber pretenders who fudge facts in their profiles, women with ugly tempers, bad table manners, intoxicated by divisive politics or crazed with emotionally based addictions!

Mike writes, I am a gentlemen cowboy. I dont play games and dont want any played on me. I am sincere and honest. I know how to treat a lady. I am trying this again to see if it it will work. Ask me anything and I will tell you. I have nothing to hide or prove. i am the real deal.
Easy for him to claim this, but how can we know this for sure by seeing him sitting on the couch of an obvious bachelor pad, wearing a bright orange shirt, and sticking his tongue out at the camera?

Here's another one: Handsome, secure doctor seeks a happy, intelligent beauty. I am looking for a woman who wakes up smiling. Good luck.

One guy whose moniker is, SailinOut confesses in his profile, My experience on the open seas has been limited to driving over the 14th Street bridge. So much for truth in advertising!

Another man whose online name is LakeHoundDog announces, Lone wolf would like to join pack! He then adds, Someone who can sing.. Out of key its ok. someone who can laugh .. even on a rainy day someone who will make love in the hay.. or keep the wolves at bay. This is a discription of you, this is a discription of me. A poet, he ain't, but I suppose that someone would find these comments appealing.

Then there is "Mr. Breeze looking for the wind." This motorcycle enthusiast is shown sitting on his ginormous bike with a Dick-Deadeye expression. He writes, I have no need for drama or a deep understanding of anyone's past, especially my own. If I could see past the numerous red flags that obscure the rest of his comments, I'd tell Trisha to cut a wide swath around this one.

So This has all been quite an interesting romp through singlehood once again. I remarked to Sam last night that I am more pleased than I can ever say that I am no longer single. Seeing that Sam said nothing back to me, I asked, "Aren't you?"
"What do you think..." he smiled at me warmly. "Just like I tell everyone, you are the same as when I first met you. I adore you, Honey!"

I wish the same for Trisha, who for now must swim through the seas of uncertainty. There is land after the many the long swim. Bless her heart!