Headlock Dentistry

Found here

These two refined gentlemen are demonstrating a headlock. There is no way for the man with the bulging veins in his temples and the cauliflower nose to get away from the bemuscled, bearded man holding him captive in a sterroid haze. It is testosterone at its best.

This image that flashed through my mind the other day when I walked in to the dentist's office to get a crown. I have a tooth that cracked around a filling and after putting it off for about four years, it was time. I felt sick with worry and had a lapse in judgment that allowed me to comment to the hygienist about it.
"I have really dreaded this!" I remarked as I sat down on the surprisingly comfortable dentist chair.
"Wow," she said sarcastically. "I've never heard that one before, in eleven years!"

Okay, then. I brought my remarks to a rapid close.

Arranging myself in the chair under the light with the side handles on it, I remembered sitting under one of these in Minnesota. It was when the headlock occurred. Instantly, I found myself having a hard time distinguishing between the events in Minnesota and these taking place in California.
There I had sat, in the chair in Minnesota, my Middle-Eastern dental resident at the U of MN dental clinic, looking grimly down at me.

"Please deaden the tooth well because I'm really sensitive and also really nervous."


"I will give you two shots and that will be enough." Not even a flicker of kindness or sympathy could be seen on her face.

Of course, it wasn't enough. I found this out when she began tapping my tooth with the end of this long metal instrument. It was all I could do not to fly through the ceiling.

"Grmwph!" I moaned.

"Now stop it," she barked. "Just let me get this tooth done. You have nothing to worry about."

"It is very painful, still," I said plaintively.

"Relax!" she said to me in a scolding voice. "If you don't relax, I'll have to take a long needle and shoot the medicine straight down into the head of your tooth. Do you want me to do that?" It was a tone of voice that one might take with a naughty child.

At that point, I didn't care what she had to do to numb the tooth. Just stop tapping on it with that instrument.

"Please give me more deadening medicine before you continue," I choked out.

That's when the headlock happened. As quickly as I could say it, she had me in a headlock and was drilling down into that tooth. The nerve sang out and I pressed my head back into the chair headrest, as if that would help me get away from her. But I couldn't. It was awful. I couldn't scream--I had a mouthful of dental dam and one of those extensor things that held my mouth open. No, I couldn't do anything about any of it except to hang on to the sides of the seat while she drilled into my very sensitive tooth. There was no dental assistant to recruit as an ally. Just me and the heartless dentist.

At the end of the session, I jumped to my feet, went out to the front desk and reported this woman to the receptionist. She looked alarmed and now that I think about it, it could have been either because of my story, or how I looked. I was crying, talking excitedly, and must have had a wild glare in my eyes. I was thoroughly traumatized by this experience.
The dental intern was reported and it was said that she had received dire consequences for her behavior. I hoped so, because I have also experienced dire consequences for her actions, specifically, my irrational tears and panic whenever I sit waiting for my dentist.

My dentist could not have been nicer. He didn't seem to mind that I was crying and trying to look brave. I never felt even one of the many injections he gave me. As my face became numb and my goofy muscle-less grin made me feel like I had only half a head, he smiled and told me stories in a most reassuring way. I drooled out my headlock story and he explained how many ways he could numb up my tooth and whole head if needed. So I sank back into the chair, shut my eyes, and waited for the job to be done. I never felt a thing. What a miracle of modern dentistry and kindness.
I'm going back to have the permanent crown placed this afternoon. There are no headlock jitters. Praise be!