Nerves

Today I spoke for 30 minutes on live television. It was a church lesson study and I think I carried it off okay, but wow! Was I ever a bundle of nerves! Unprepared, unsure if what I prepared was long enough or too long, wondering if I'd even be understood.

As I stepped up to the podium, the battery pack for my over-the-ear mic came off the metal holder at my waist. There was no putting it back on. So I spoke with a metal thingie hanging off my waistband and the battery pack lying on the podium next to my open Bible.

I had asked the producer to allow the other items on the program to go over so I wouldn't have so much time to fill. He crept over to where I was sitting during the special music number and told me he'd shaved about five minutes off my time. I thanked him, but honestly, it did very little to allay my concern. By that point, the concern was mostly about not being able to give a coherent, well flowing talk. That was the issue for me.

Mother and her friends from the Villa were all sitting about eight rows from the front. Mother was smiling at me and looking anxiously my way (she looks anxious no matter where she looks, actually!) Her friend, Ken, sat beside her, his six foot four frame towering over her. He looked anxious, too.

Interestingly enough, on my drive down to the church this morning, I asked God to help me do well just for the sake of my mother. I wanted to make her proud and give her something to feel good about. She always gets lots of mileage out of my speaking or singing from those with whom she lives. Life can be so challenging when you're alone, and being able to make Mother proud is a small thing. So that was my prayer.

She could hardly contain herself when I picked her up later today. There was one story after another about this one and that one who commented about my talk.

Good.

It wasn't until about 2:00 today that my nervousness finally went away. I don't know why I agree to do these things. I'm not a preacher, theologian, or philosopher. I just try to put a few thoughts together that will make sense and help someone else.

I don't think that other people knew it was so nervewracking for me.

It really was.

Glad it's over.