Fatal Flaws vs. Confounding Conundrums

Recently I've been thinking a lot about how God's beloved ones can be spiritually sound but socially or emotionally unsound. By this I mean, how people who are awkward, offensive, outspoken, rough around the edges, and who can still be so attuned to God that they cannot be faulted, spiritually. Some folks are so off-putting, but you can see that their faith is unwavering, their spiritual discernment clear, and their desire to please God is foremost in their minds.
And yet they may make for the worst companions you can imagine.

I suppose this has been figural for me since my path has taken a turn toward a few people who are difficult to be around. Pious people who are dear to the heart of God. One person in particular is someone I would describe as emotionally rabid, unstable, vitriolic, and socially inept. Yet he has a strong daily prayer life, going over a detailed prayer list every morning with God. He stands for high standards of moral behavior and academic competence. Yet he seems to try to cut me off at the knees whenever I appear to excel in anything that is different than his interests. It is always puzzling to me to be the recipient of his emotionally charged hit-and-run attacks. Especially when they occur in front of others who are shocked by his remarks (not to mention how blindsided I feel). But he would give the shirt off his back for another person in need. A person whom he believes is in need, I should clarify.

Then there is a woman who very humbly and with great feeling discusses her sense of awe about God who has lead her through very trying times. I am inspired and uplifted by her story. Yet her behavior is so offensive to me and others who comment about her. I simply don't like her, even though I know she is secure in God.

How is this possible?

I think about this sometimes when I'm standing in front of the mirror in the mornings, getting ready to go to work. How can I be so intent on following God through a life of service but still be so insecure about students not liking me? How can I lie awake in bed at 5:00 a.m. and plead with God to help me see and be more aware of how much He loves me, but be so vindictive and angry with my own family members? How is it possible for me to gather my feelings of generosity closer to me and refuse to extend grace to people who have deeply wounded me? Even though so many of these things have been taken to God in prayer and I resolve to be more open and accepting of others whom I adjudge to be undeserving. At the same time I am confident of God's grace being extended to me while I continually share my concerns with Him and ask for my heart to be changed.

Perhaps this is just the human condition showing through. Paul described this conundrum beautifully in Romans 7:21 - 25

So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.

Indeed. As I struggle along the road to heaven I will not be perfect in all things. Probably, almost nothing. But God working in my life allows me to serve Him in my mind, to yearn after Him and His righteousness. Even though my behaviors are off-putting and I am not fully developed or refined emotionally, socially, physically or spiritually. The goal I have for myself is to extend this same degree and kind of grace to those around me who are not perfect outwardly, yet who love God from the inside out.

God help us all.