Health Update

Some weeks ago I wrote a post about how much I wanted to change my health and weight status. This is a report about that. (I assure you that I don't weigh 120, as the person shown above weighs!)

I lost 10 lbs. It was wonderful to be able to fit into some clothes that I haven't worn for awhile. I even looked good in a pale teal two-piece dress that Sam doesn't like on me. This time, he did like it. It was clear that I had lost weight and my appearance was much improved.

I've gained back every single pound.

How does this happen? I have real trouble with two things: sugar, and emotional eating. I can't pass up a dessert for anything. Especially chocolate chip cookies or chocolate. There have been days in the past when I could sniff disdainfully at anything sweet, but those days were precious few. I think I've become addicted to sugar because I eat an inordinate amount of it. It's a set up for getting diabetes and tooth decay. Since the latter is associated with heart problems, I need to be more watchful because of the family history of heart disease.

Then there's emotional eating. It is more about carelessness and bad habits that now have emotional meaning attached. As happy as I am with Sam and with my job, I have been extremely frustrated with other issues. I know this about myself: the more frustrated I am, the more I eat. It is an "enoughness" issue. I feel deprived, or that I should be entitled to have some special meal or menu item (again, usually a dessert). The "better" I am, the more I deserve. There are many issues that are external to me that can be blamed for my eating, but the bottom line is that I do it and I allow it. But,

I hate going to the gym--the inconvenience of going over there

I hate counting calories

I hate it when people constantly talk about how many calories and fat grams are in food items.

I dislike wearing skimpy or revealing athletic clothes--which although they may not be intended to be skimpy or revealing, are that way on my body because they allow others to see much more about my figure than I want them to.

I hate the mindlessness of walking on a treadmill, riding a stationary bike, using all those weight machines.

I hate even more, being overweight and unhealthy.

At 49 years of age, I am not going to become healthy and more attractive by accident.

Tomorrow my friend and I are starting out on a new joint venture. We can't coordinate our schedules and we are successful doing different kinds of health-related activities. We both like to walk, so we will try to walk together once per week. Other than that, we will do different things to make our health improve while relying on each other for encouragement to become more healthy. For me, it will involve several activities and rules for myself about food. I will report in on the first of every month until I have met my health goals for myself. I have 50 lbs to lose and my blood pressure needs to come down significantly. I don't like hearing my heart pound in my ears at night or being out of breath when I walk up one flight of stairs at work. It all has to change.

Perhaps watching that 84 year-old conductor yesterday evening was also helpful. I will not look like that or feel as good as he does if I stay on this course. In fact, if something doesn't change I probably won't be alive. Now there's a sobering thought!

I would like to be like Hulda Crooks, a longtime resident of our town and personal hero of mine. She used to eat very much like I did and as a result, had terrible health. She changed her diet significantly and began climbing mountains. At age 67 she climbed Mt. Whitney, 14,495 feet--the highest peak in the continental United States. She ended up climbing it 23 times, in addition to climbing Mt. Fuji when she was 91 years old. She used to run up Mt. San Gorgonio --an awful climb-- to prepare for climbing Mt. Whitney. In fact, there is a peak in the high Sierras named after her.

Hulda came to speak to my church youth group a few weeks before I took 30 kids up Whitney. She was 94 at the time and full of energy. The kids were spellbound by her stories. She didn't climb mountains anymore, but she buzzed around town on a bike until she was 98. She finally died in her sleep at age 101. We lost a real treasure when she slipped away.

I would like to be like Hulda Crooks. It won't happen by accident. When I was in my 20s and 30s I climbed Mt. Baldy, Mt. San Bernardino, Mt. San Jacinto, Whitney, Half Dome, Baldy Notch. I want to be up in the mountains again. That is where I feel most alive.

Olga and I are getting started this morning by having a good long walk together. Then I am on my own this week, trying once again to get my eating under control. Life is too precious to feel dragged down physically and emotionally because of the limitations of my health. I hope to report real change to you by next month.