Accountability

It is very hard to make people do things. Especially when they don't want to. It is hard to make people happy, or sober, or healthy, when their behavior guarantees other outcomes. Some of us put in moments, hours, nights, to try to figure out what we can do to prompt someone else to change. No matter how slick or intelligent, or even how informed one might be, if the object of our concern doesn't put forth effort to work in their own behalf, change will not happen. The more people refuse to change, the more manipulative and demoralized the other becomes.

This is called rescuing behavior. Some people invite others to rescue them. I know of a couple women who go from congregation to congregation, friend to friend, telling their story of woe, hoping that someone will do for them what they are not willing to do for themselves. Other people will merely come close to you and expect that you will act in their behalf.

Sadly though, some people will kill themselves no matter what you try to do for them. Some people will lose relationships and wreck their lives waiting for someone else to make their lives swell. When these unfortunate events do happen, the rescuer feels like a failure and slinks off feeling resentful for all that they suggested that was not taken seriously or done.

We love people close to us. Most of us will bend to the limit to try to help these loved ones. It is hard to see others suffer. Almost impossible though sometimes, to get other people to do what they need to do for themselves unless we get out of their way and leave them alone. It's hard to find that middle road between rescuing and ignoring the suffering. What is reasonable to offer them? What limits need to be set so we remain sane, balanced, and without guilt for their choices? How do we know if these people are even capable of making choices in their best interest? Is it wrong not to step in and try to help if they are so distraught that they are emotionally immobile? Or is that still meddling and rescuing?

There are pains in this life that I long to look back on--they are not easy in the slightest to weather at present. It takes wisdom that I don't have, and grace that I desperately need, to know how to manage the difficulties that need to be continually faced. I solicit your prayers for the loved ones who are blinded by their own hurt that they struggle acting in their own best interests. And I know God will be close, loving us all more than we can comprehend.